God is Faithful

The past week or so I have been really trying to figure out where I am in the “grief process”.  I am struggling with sadness and missing Adam alot lately but I sense that I am not so deep into the GRIEF THING.  I miss him alot and then I talk to him and then I have a real feeling of peace.  This morning as I was going to my cardio class I had a revelation that really began to put things into a different light for me.  I was praying on my way to class (20 minutes drive) and as I was praying for someone and some answers to how to help them God revealed to me that it is so OK to miss Adam and want to see him and hear his voice but it is not OK to allow ourselves to get into a spirit of “Grief”.  Grief is something that can pull you down and keep you in bondage.  I don’t want to remain in that state of sadness and deep hurting.  I want to move forward and although I will never stop missing him I am not going to remain in bondage to a spirit that puts me into a deep depression and hopelessness.  God is so faithful to answer my call for help.  When I began to realize what He was trying to reveal to me I began to bind that spirit out of my life and the lives of my family.  The enemy will not have victory in this family.  If I allowed that to happen then Adam’s death would have been in vain and I won’t allow that to happen.  I am picking up the fire he had to leave behind and I am going to carry it to the ends of the earth.  I have stopped going to the cemetery everyday and I can tell the enemy is loosing his grip on my mind.  Adam isn’t at the cemetery, his grave with an empty shell of a body is there but he is living victoriously in Heaven with his Creator.  I talk to him when I am cleaning and when I am driving and when I am just sitting still.  I talk to him when I am crying and when I am laughing.  He is where ever I need him to be, he is always by my side.  I am so thankful for family and good friends that encouraged me to stop going to the cemetery. 

I want to encourage you all to make God the first thing on your mind everyday.  I took two steps out of bed this am before I took time to say “Good Morning Lord!  I am so glad you gave me an opportunity to wake up this morning and I want you to walk with me all day today.  I want you to show me how to use the authority you gave me thru the death of my Saviour Jesus Christ.  Please show me what you want me to see today.”  God is so faithful to show us whatever we need to see if we will only take the time to listen to Him.  I have found lately that God speaks loudest when I am putting others before myself.  God wants to hear your voice even when it is talking to Him about something that hurts and is sad.  Doesn’t it amaze you that He can hear each of us as though we were the only ones on this earth?  I just can’t wrap my mind around it!  Man I love my Creator and He loves me.  Talk to Him tonight.  Let Him know how much you love Him. 

You know never in a million years would I have thought I would lose a child nor did I think he would lose his best friend four years before he died.  But they are both gone and we are still here to carry on the torch they began to carry during their very short lives.  God has helped us to keep putting one foot in front of the other and He will continue to be there for us but we have to believe He is there and wants to help us to keep moving forward.  Hopefully He will have us doing more than just putting one foot in front of the other, soon we will be skipping along, then we will be running forward doing what the boys started.  God Bless You and thank you Lord for your deep constant love.