How Long Before It Doesn’t Hurt So Bad?

I am sitting here at my computer and looking at a wonderful picture of my son.  He has that smile that would melt anyone’s heart and I am asking my self why?  I have really struggled the last week or so and I keep thinking how much longer before it doesn’t hurt so badly.  I look at his pictures and I am beginning to come to the realization that he is really gone.  I guess the reality of his death is finally beginning to sink in deeper and I am trying to figure out how to best deal with it.  I wondered the other day if I could just cry hard enough for long enough would it not hurt so much or maybe if I could bring myself to release that scream that lies deep in my heart would it stop then or maybe I could just break something or hit something (not someone!) over and over and over would it stop then.  How much anguish do you have to release before it stops feeling like your insides are being ripped out of your body.  I had told someone the other day that questioned why I hadn’t journal-ed for a while, I had been really not very positive and I didn’t think anyone would want to read that.  But I got to thinking , you know that is the reality of this whole thing called “Grief”.  It’s not very nice some-days and it hurts like “H—” some-days.  I only wish no one had to be a member of “the club” as one of my friends recently said.  The dues for this club are way to high a price to pay.   

I keep saying “I am sorry”  when I can’t contain or control my emotions.  I have said I am sorry more in the past 8 months then I have in my lifetime.  ”I am sorry I cry because I miss my child.  I apologize for not being able to concentrate because my mind seems scrambled right now.  I apologize for forgetting to do things because I don’t think very clearly.  I apologize for asking people questions twice because I forgot I have already asked them something.  I apologize to my family members when I start to cry because I think I am making them sad and I don’t want them to be sad.  Some-days I feel like I should just hang a sign around my neck that says “I am sorry for everything”.  

I found a note that he wrote to me before he went to Guatemala when he was a Senior in High School.  He was getting ready to pick up his last minute things and he was headed to Omaha to get his final immunizations.  He left this note with numerous questions and signed it “Your Little Boy”.  I want my “Little Boy” back!!!!!  I found a lot of his things that were suppose to be moving with him when he headed for Kentucky in August.  Things from his high school career.  I came across alot of his songs that he had been writing and his old bible, lots of memories and lots of tears.  Pictures of him with his best friend Michael and hanging with his buds from church youth group.  As I looked through the things I would think, this is his life right here, this is all I have left beside the parts that are in my heart. 

Someone recently told me I needed to “Move Forward”.  I feel like I am moving forward!  I get out of bed in the morning even when I don’t want to and I have returned to the daycare to work three days a week.  Maybe I am not moving forward at the pace they think I should but then again they have their family with them and no one is missing.  I do get out of bed everyday and I look at the blessings that remain in my life and I do thank God for what He has given me.  But I still miss Adam and I would take him back tomorrow if God gave me the choice.  My heart is aching tonight but maybe tomorrow will be a new day with new things and it won’t hurt so much.      

Don’t Take It For Granted!

I haven’t been able to post for a while because every time I wanted to write it was just to personal to put into words and put on paper or it hurt to bad to share. I have been very busy as I am sure many of you have also. It always seem like the Christmas Holiday comes and goes and then I am looking back asking myself where the time went. I wanted to write tonight about Family. I have learned in the past 8 months that the one most important thing in my life is my family. I have a brother that happens to be the baby of our family and two sisters, both younger than myself. My “Baby Brother” has become the “Big” brother I never had. He has been there to protect me from the day of Adam’s accident to now. He did things for me that I would never have expected anyone to do for me. His wife told my children that their brother was going to die because I was busy trying to take care of reaching their father and frankly I don’t really remember the events of that day very clearly. The day of Adam’s accident when we received the call regarding where he was being transported to I can remember telling my youngest daughter that I didn’t want Adam to arrive in Tulsa without anyone there for him. She told me to call my little brother, but I hadn’t spoken to my little brother for almost 16 months because of a stupid misunderstanding. Brandee told me “This is not the time to let pride stand in the way.” My brother and my sister-in-law and my sister were at that hospital and were in charge of everything regarding Adam’s care and arrival until we made it the 7 hour drive to the hospital. My family has been there for me through this whole process of grieving. I don’t know what I would have done if I had had to be at that hospital by myself without family or friends. Danielle had many people who knew her and her family from Rhema but we had our family there for us and I can never repay them for all they did while we were there. I pray to God I never have to be there for them in a similar situation. It may have been 16 months since I had talked to my brother but when he heard me say “I need your help” he dropped everything and began to put in motion all that we needed to give Adam the best possible care we could find. My family was at that hospital with me day and night for the next 12 days. They brought us food and found us a place to sleep and took in all my children when they had to drive to Tulsa knowing their were coming to say good bye to Adam. They missed work and sat in that awful waiting room just so they were there if we needed them.

I don’t know what your family is like but I am telling you that God has placed you where you are for a purpose. Don’t allow strife to come between you and your family. Don’t waste 16 months of precious time because of misunderstandings. Don’t give the enemy that much credit. Resolve that problem and don’t allow time to pass without mending your fences. Life is short, we have no guarantee for tomorrow and we need to make each day count now. Don’t take your family for granted. They are priceless. I have the best set of Sisters and Brother in the world. God has blessed me tremendously.

Spending Christmas with them this year was great. We were all missing Adam and his smiling face but we were all sharing the sadness along with the joy of being together. I know I was thankful for the fact this was our year to be together. I needed them to be near me this year. Telling them goodbye this year was especially hard. I know I will see them in May for my niece’s graduation but it seems a long time between visits. I need to see them more often then that now. We keep in touch more often now than before Adam’s home going. We e-mail more often and we call more. Life is precious and you can’t let it slip by with regrets about calls you should have made or letter you should have sent.

Pick up the phone and call your sister, your brother, or maybe your Mom or Dad. Don’t take your family for granted, they may not be here tomorrow. Say what you want to say today don’t wait for the perfect time to let someone know how much you love them or care about what they do.

Happy and Blessed New Year,

Kathy

Happy Thanksgiving?

I am leaving in the morning for Iowa and the annual celebration of Giving Thanks.  This year it will be different because one of my children moved to Heaven this year and won’t be there to join our celebration.  We will prepare his favorite salad “Ribbon Jello” and eat it in his wonderful memory.  We will, I’m sure, shed a fair amount of tears and we will probably sit around and talk about years gone by with the fondest of memories.  Is it going to be a Happy Thanksgiving?  It will be as happy as we choose to make it.  Am I still thankful even with all that has taken place this year?  Yes, I have much to be thankful for.  I have 3 other children each with a great spouse.  I have 6 beautiful grandchildren that I literally live to be with.  I am 53 years old and my life has been blessed.  I live in a country where I don’t have to be afraid to worship my Heavenly Father.  I have the freedom to go to the church of my choice and praise God in a manner that I choose to.  I don’t have to be afraid to walk down the street in the city I live in.  I have been blessed to be born into a family that lives in the United States. 

Do you as an American realize how blessed you are to live where we do and how much sacrifice was given for our “land of the free and home of the brave”?  I am thankful there were people who left the land they were living in to find a land where they could have religious freedom.  I am thankful they established this United States and I am living here and enjoying the freedoms they began to set forth so very many years ago.  As you go about your preparation for your holiday gathering this week take a moment to remember those who came before us and gave us the privilege to share this country.  Please remember those young men and women that are fighting right now to protect our land and give us the opportunity to share our day of thanks with our families.

May you find so much to be thankful for you can’t get it all into one prayer or can’t even begin to express it to those you love.  No matter what you have gone thru this year I am sure you can find a few things in your life to give thanks for.  I am thankful for my family, my friends, the fact that my son knew Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior before he moved to Heaven.  I am thankful for my friends who will come to my aid when the tears won’t stop and don’t tell me I just need to get over it.  I am thankful I will have a wonderful turkey dinner to share with family.  I am thankful for my home.

No matter what I have gone thru this year I am thankful.  Embrace your families this year and count your blessings.  We have so much to give thanks for.  I just remembered what I am most thankful for is God’s grace and mercy.  Without that gift from Him I would be headed for hell, not a place I want to see.  I have an appointment to see my son in a few years.  And remember don’t just be thankful on Thursday, November 22nd. but be thankful each and everyday you are given from God.    

I’m getting Up again

I want to say something profound but right now I don’t have anything to say.  I have struggled all day today with a deep sadness and it has at times been very consuming.  I went to the gym this am and had a great workout, felt great when I left but when I returned home I began to work on some things for the up coming holiday and it really started to bring me down.  I have spent alot of time lately talking to God about certain things in my life.  He has been very vocal with me lately about things in my life!  I don’t mean I hear Him audibly but I have certainly heard His direction for my situation. 

A friend of mine recently gave me her pastor’s teaching from their Sunday service.  I asked her if I could share parts of it in my post and she said yes.  Her pastor was teaching on Prayer and the persistence of praying.  P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens.  A.S.A.P. Always Say A Prayer.  Psalm 121:1-2 says “I will lift up my eyes to the hills.  Where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”  God wants nothing more than to hear from us.  He waits for us to seek His face and we have become so busy with our earthly lives that we barely take the time to say “Grace” anymore.  G.A.P. God Answers Prayer.  The disciples could have asked Christ to teach them anything during their time with Him but the one thing they wanted Him to teach them was how to pray.

If we could pray about all those things that cause us anguish or sadness or pain then we could free ourselves of so much worry and anxiety.  We were not meant to go thru our life in torment and worry.  “Worry is wasting today’s time to clutter up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles.”  God can relieve that if we will turn our voices to Him and “pray without ceasing” about all  situations.  1Peter 5:7 says, “Casting the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.”  “Do not worry about anything because staying peaceful is actually proof that you have humbled yourself and that you trust God to do what needs to be done.”

Every word spoken can be a prayer.  Prayer doesn’t always have to be about asking but there is thanking, seeking, honoring, and sharing.  God wants His people to know how much He loves them and know that He is there.  Many don’t stay with their prayers because they don’t really believe God will answer them.  God’s timing is always perfect.  If you don’t think God has answered your prayer maybe it’s because it wasn’t the answer you wanted to hear, maybe God had a better solution to your problem.  God will never make your situation worse, He is in the “making it better” business.  God always loves us and wants only what is best for us.  This is a poem from Pastor’s teaching and it kinda says it all in a nutshell.

It is only a tiny rosebud, a flower of God’s design, but I can’t unfold the petal with these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers is not known to such as I.  God opens this flower so easily, but in my hands they die.   

If I cannot unfold a rosebud, this flower of God’s design, then how can I have the wisdom to unfold this life of mine?

So I’ll trust in God for leading each moment of my day.  I will look to God for guidance in each step of the way.

The path that lies before me, only my Lord knows.  I’ll trust God to unfold the better moments, just as He unfolds the rose.

Are your days filled with constant worry about the things of the world?  Dont’ drag that stuff around with you.  Take it to God in prayer and let Him bless you.  Believe that God wants only the best for you and allow Him to work in your life.  He loves you so much  

How Far Can I Run?

All day today I have wanted to run away.  I wanted to go as far as I could and as fast as I could drive.  Not sure where I was going or where I would end up but just wanted to be as far away from my life as I could get.  The thing that kept me from leaving was a best friend that reminded me how much my children needed me, how much my grandchildren needed me and how very much she needed me.  It made me think about the things I would miss out on if I tried to run away.  The smile on my grandson’s face when he learns a new trick on his skate board, the look of “Gee, Grandma I am glad to see you” when my grand daughter runs and jumps into my arms, “Hi Memo” from the sparkling brown/black eyes of my grandson.  I would miss my grand daughter taking her first steps which will come very soon.  I would miss my pre-teen grand daughter telling me about her very important social life in a way only her words can convey.  She is 12 going on 20 and she is beautiful.  I would miss my grandson and his very affectionate hugs and always telling me he loves me.  I would miss hearing “Hey” from my youngest daughter when I pick up the phone, ”Hi Mom” from my oldest daughter when I call her and “Mother” from my son when I answer his calls to tell me something new in his life.  I can’t do without these things in my life.  These are the things that bring me joy in spite of the sadness that surrounds me.  I know that no matter how far or how fast I would run there would still be the same circumstances in my life.  All day today I would go about my business and think how this could possibly be in God’s plan for my life.  I don’t believe that everything that happens is God’s will for us.  I know that there is an enemy out there just waiting to destroy us and he will go to great lengths to kill, steal and destroy.  If I ran away from life I would destroy my family.  What a victory that would be for the enemy.  No instead of running away from life I need to run to God. 

 I ran to Oklahoma last week and spent the week with my little Sister and her family and my little brother and his family.  I have a very special family and I am ashamed to say it took Adam’s death to make me realize just how special they are to me.  They were there from the beginning of our stay in the hospital to the night he died.  It was hard to be there and have the memories of the time we spent there whirl around me.  We drove by the hospital one night and I began to weep just thinking about what took place there.  This Christmas is going to be very hard because no matter what Adam was always around on the holidays.  My family alternates our holidays and this is the year we all come together for Christmas.  I am so thankful I will have all my family with me during this very difficult time.  It will be hard but together we will help one another thru it.  During this Thanksgiving season thank God for your family.  We don’t get to choose our families but if I did I wouldn’t have chosen any differently then God did for me. 

I did run to God this morning and I climbed up in His lap and let Him hold me in His arms as only God can do.  When I climbed down from His lap my fears were less and I knew He would get me thru whatever the enemy tried to throw my way.  His rod protects me and His staff guides me.  He leads me beside still, restful waters.  God is my Comforter, my strong shoulder to cry on.  As I walk thru the valley of the SHADOW of death, God is my light, for where there are shadows there is LIGHT.  If you are facing a situation that makes you want to run, RUN to God, He is waiting to catch you and protect you from harm.  He loves you more than anything in all the world.  He wants to be there for you. God refreshes and restores our lives.  God has a plan and purpose for all our lives, He is there to lead us to presence of the Holy Spirit who will give us direction to that plan.

Running to the Father,

“Memo” to Mackenzie, Spencer, Logan, Reagan, Hayden and Lauren    

God is Faithful

The past week or so I have been really trying to figure out where I am in the “grief process”.  I am struggling with sadness and missing Adam alot lately but I sense that I am not so deep into the GRIEF THING.  I miss him alot and then I talk to him and then I have a real feeling of peace.  This morning as I was going to my cardio class I had a revelation that really began to put things into a different light for me.  I was praying on my way to class (20 minutes drive) and as I was praying for someone and some answers to how to help them God revealed to me that it is so OK to miss Adam and want to see him and hear his voice but it is not OK to allow ourselves to get into a spirit of “Grief”.  Grief is something that can pull you down and keep you in bondage.  I don’t want to remain in that state of sadness and deep hurting.  I want to move forward and although I will never stop missing him I am not going to remain in bondage to a spirit that puts me into a deep depression and hopelessness.  God is so faithful to answer my call for help.  When I began to realize what He was trying to reveal to me I began to bind that spirit out of my life and the lives of my family.  The enemy will not have victory in this family.  If I allowed that to happen then Adam’s death would have been in vain and I won’t allow that to happen.  I am picking up the fire he had to leave behind and I am going to carry it to the ends of the earth.  I have stopped going to the cemetery everyday and I can tell the enemy is loosing his grip on my mind.  Adam isn’t at the cemetery, his grave with an empty shell of a body is there but he is living victoriously in Heaven with his Creator.  I talk to him when I am cleaning and when I am driving and when I am just sitting still.  I talk to him when I am crying and when I am laughing.  He is where ever I need him to be, he is always by my side.  I am so thankful for family and good friends that encouraged me to stop going to the cemetery. 

I want to encourage you all to make God the first thing on your mind everyday.  I took two steps out of bed this am before I took time to say “Good Morning Lord!  I am so glad you gave me an opportunity to wake up this morning and I want you to walk with me all day today.  I want you to show me how to use the authority you gave me thru the death of my Saviour Jesus Christ.  Please show me what you want me to see today.”  God is so faithful to show us whatever we need to see if we will only take the time to listen to Him.  I have found lately that God speaks loudest when I am putting others before myself.  God wants to hear your voice even when it is talking to Him about something that hurts and is sad.  Doesn’t it amaze you that He can hear each of us as though we were the only ones on this earth?  I just can’t wrap my mind around it!  Man I love my Creator and He loves me.  Talk to Him tonight.  Let Him know how much you love Him. 

You know never in a million years would I have thought I would lose a child nor did I think he would lose his best friend four years before he died.  But they are both gone and we are still here to carry on the torch they began to carry during their very short lives.  God has helped us to keep putting one foot in front of the other and He will continue to be there for us but we have to believe He is there and wants to help us to keep moving forward.  Hopefully He will have us doing more than just putting one foot in front of the other, soon we will be skipping along, then we will be running forward doing what the boys started.  God Bless You and thank you Lord for your deep constant love.   

Listening To The Voice of God

I have been trying very hard lately to hear the voice of God concerning things going on in my life.  I feel like I have become more attuned to the things of the spirit and hear His voice when I seek Him.  He may not dump this huge conversation right in my lap but I know when He is trying to give me direction and leading.  I have been seeking His direction regarding my future since Adam died.  I have been trying to figure out what I am suppose to be doing now and how my life is going to be used.  I have been wondering what is my purpose now and what does God have for me.  I get alot of stirrings on the inside and I always question myself and think is that God or is that me? 

Have any of you seen the movie “Evan Almighty”?  The scene I particularly like is when the wife of Evan (Moses) is talking to God in the restaurant after she left “Moses” because she couldn’t take his antics anymore.  God talks about when you pray and ask God for things how do you think He answers you?  When you ask for patience does God give you patience or does He give you ways to demonstrate patience?  When you ask for hope do you automatically get hope dropped into your heart or are you placed into situations that allow you to rely on Him and therefore have hope in His goodness?  When you ask for your family to be closer and have more time together do you just get that or does God give you opportunites to grow closer thru some situation or circumstance.  See what I am getting at?  I have been asking for alot of different things lately and now I am beginning to see how He has begun to work in my life.  DUH!  He has always been at work in my life but now I am beginning to see what He is doing.  God so desires for us to seek Him in every area of our lives.  God cares about the little things in our lives as well as the big stuff.  God and I have had some really long conversations lately and I like to talk with Him.  I have even argued with God lately but I don’t recommend that for anyone else.  God’s ways are not hard especially if we are in His will for our lives and we are in communion with Him.  God will answer your prayers and He is ready to see His children happy and filled to overflowing with joy.  But remember God’s timing is perfect and you may not see what you want rigth away but God knows best and He is the one who cares for us more than anyone. 

I have been asking alot of questions lately and I have begun to realize that God is answering those questions but not necessarily in the way I thought He would but I hear Him and I’m trying to heed His voice.  Listen for God, listen very carefully for His still small voice and you will begin to see change and you will hear Him speak.  He loves you very much and wants to know you intimately.  Seek His voice today, all day!

God Loves you and so do I.  Trusting in Jesus,

 Kathy    

A Word To Moms

This has been very heavy on my heart today, in fact it has been a subject that I have wanted to address for a little over a week now and just for some reason keep putting it off.  If we as Mothers are not praying for our children then who is?  It is our responsibility to cover our children in prayer daily.  I came across a card that I had picked up at a Family Life conference 2 or 3 years ago and it was different scripture and a prayer for lifting up our children/grandchildren.  What an awesome responsibility but what an awesome calling as a Mother to be the one to intercede for your children and protect them form the enemy and his evil attacks.  I wanted to share these scriptures with you and hope that you will pray them over your children/grandchildren daily. 

Lord, I lift my children/grandchildren to You today and pray, according to Your word, that:

They will know Christ as Savior early in life and desire a close relationship with You throughout their childhood, teen, and adult years (Mark 10:13-16; Luke 2:52; 2 Timothy 3:15).

they will develop the discipline of prayer and time in Your word (Joshua 1:8; Daniel 6:10; Matthew 4:4; Philippians 4:6-7).

You will bring into their lives godly adult and friends who will help them grow in godly living (Psalm 1:1-3; Philippians 1:27; Proverbs 27:17; 1Corinthians 4:15).

You will keep them pure and strengthen them against temptation (Job 17:9; Psalm 24:3-4; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

They would develop discernment, wisdom, responsibility, and a strong conscience (1 Kings 3:11-12; 1 Timothy 1:5; Daniel 6:3).

they will be caught if they wander into cheating, lies, or mischief (Psalm 119:71; Proverbs 20:30).

they will see other people as You do, treating them with love and kindness (Matthew 25:35-40; Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:1-4).

You will protect them from emotional, physical, and spiritual danger (Psalm 28:7-9; Psalm 41; John 17:15; 2 Thessalonians 3:3).

You will prepare them to be a godly, loving, and faithful spouse or prepare them to glorify You with their singleness (1 Corinthians 7:7-8); and that You also prepare their future spouse (2 Corinthians 6:14-15; Ephesians 5:21-33).

they would leave home with an eternal perspective and Christ-like values (Matthew 28:18-20; Galatians 2:20; Philippians 1:21).

they will sense Your calling on their lives and their lives will count for Your Kingdom (Psalm 78:1-8; 103:12-18; 2 Timothy 1:9).

Here is a prayer you might use as you commit yourself to the task of being a praying Mom or Grandmother.

Help me today, Lord, to be observant of them and sensitive to them.  Give me unusual insight inot their lives.  Help me to be secure in Your love and care, Father,  for I need Your help as much as they do.  Help me give attention to my children and be available to them to give guidance in the decisions they face.  Help me provide a moral foundation for them.  Help me give them emotional health by valuing and caring for them.  Help me provide for their need and prepare them for the world they’ll face as they grow.  Help me share my relationship with You, Father.  And today, Lord, remind me to take the time to understand my children’s perspectives before I speak.  remind me to be more playful with them.  Give me the grace, Lord, to model for my children what it means to be a good and godly person.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Let your children know you are praying for them so when they have specific prayer needs they will come to you with their requests.  Become a praying Mom, cover your children with the Blood of Jesus and take authority over the enemy in their lives.  These scriptures were all taken from my prayer card for Mothers and I know there are many more scriptures we can pray over our children/grandchildren.  I have heard many say they always pray Psalm 91.  I just know that if we aren’t praying for our kids no one else will.  It is our duty to protect them.    

Prayer is the Greatest Shield of Protection We can Provide for Our Children!

My Mom and Dad!

I spent the day with my parents today and I loved the time I had with them.  We went out for lunch and did a little shopping.  My Dad works at Walmart full time and my Mom is a stay at home wife.  They are wonderful parents and they have been so supportive of me since Adam died.  I love taking them to lunch and spending time with them just talking.  It is really too bad it takes us growing up and being out on our own to realize how much our parents love us.  When you are kid at home you just think they are being mean and don’t understand anything about you but WOW, they really do know things about life you don’t.  Adam had a ”My Space” and on there he had listed his heroes.  His Mom and Dad were his heroes.  He had grown to appreciate us as parents and wanted to parent like we did.  I didn’t see that until after he died and when I read that it filled my heart with pride.  I try now more often to tell my parents how much they mean to me and let them know how much I appreciate them.  I don’t want them to die and not know how much they have meant to my life.  My parents have celebrated 54 years of marriage.  That is a long time to spend with one man or one woman.  I asked my Dad on their Fiftieth Anniversary what was his secret to staying married for so long and He said, “I took a vow for better or for worse and I meant what I said”.  That meant alot to me.  I think now a days people don’t take their vows seriously.  Marriage isn’t easy and it certainly is no cake walk but it is worth fighting for.  My parents are proof of that.  I am proud of my Mom and Dad!!  I know they will never see this but I just wanted to let anyone who reads this know how much Ben and Maxine Salts mean to me.  Love you Mom and Dad.     

A Good Day!

Today was a great day!  I hit the floor with the praises of God on my lips, even before I hit the coffee pot.  My day went so much better than when I go into my day without so much as a Good Morning God.  I know I need to seek His face early in my day and that can make the difference between a great day and a day filled with hopelessness and despair.  I need God to survive this journey called grief.  I cannot make it on my own and frankly without the help of my Heavenly Father I know I would never make it thru my days.  My sadness comes from nowhere and I know He has placed friends in my path to aid me in my times of sadness and despair.  Please know when I speak of friends, I am also speaking of family.  I have been blessed with a wonderful network of family and friends.  And God always, always lets one of them know when I need to smile or need a phone call or a prayer going up for me.  Some would call it coincidence but I don’t believe in that.  Everything that happens is not by coincidence.  God puts it on peoples hearts to pray, to reach out to others and He knows when you are in need.  Today I had a wonderful circle of friends pray with me and let me know they cared and were there for me.  I needed that today.  God was big in my life today.  Thank you God for caring about me and being there for me in every situation.